young at art

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Motherhood Preparation to the EXTREME: *Warning: Potty Humor*

In the past several months I have had a lot to think about. Becoming a mommy is hard mental work. Will I use disposable diapers or cloth? How will I manage nursing when I return to work?  Who will be my long-term sub during maternity leave? Daycare options? Whether to include the "h" in spelling my daughter's name? Registries, showers, maternity pictures, and on and on. I don't actually have the baby in my arms yet and have made so many decisions. I could really take all of this to the extreme, like I do many other aspects of my life, if I am being honest...

Meanwhile: While I was in the first few weeks of pregnancy, I caught a re-run of Oprah, or I may have been watching a backlog of DVRed episodes. Any-who, it was all about the perils of motherhood. Women were talking about the pressure and the ca-razy things they have done as mommies that they would never have thought of doing as "regular" people. One woman recounted a story of peeing in a diaper in her car to avoid getting the sleeping baby out of the vehicle so she could do her business. Several of the other moms agreed to similar offenses in the name of not waking/moving their baby who just fell asleep/never takes a nap.

Obviously I was intrigued. In the past few months I asked my "mommy friends" if they had been through a similar experience. You won't be surprised to know that, yes, indeed they had. If they hadn't actually been in a diaper in the mini-van scenario, they had thought about it long and hard before unbuckling that car seat and enduring a cranky baby/toddler. I won't name any names, but one pal said she had used her own backyard while watching her car from the side-gate! I am giggling hysterically right now, just like when she told me about her shenanigans.

As I write this, I know that many of you have a story to share. You are thinking something along this lines: "Oh Brandi, just you wait. You will get your comeuppance for laughing at your friends and writing about secret mommy behavior. I thought the same things before I had kiddos. I can't wait to say I told you so!"

In response, I would like to share with you a plan I have concocted to safeguard myself from ever needing to hide a Big Gulp cup under the seat. (Yes, based in fact, people!) I just heard about a product, available to all of America the Beautiful's busy mommies. The Stadium Gal, and it's male counterpoint, the Stadium Pal, in case any daddies also have a restroom emergency, has been on the scene since 1998. The "SG" is marketed to sporting event attendees. The idea is that you have your own personal urinal attached to your calf, discretely hidden under your pants. Avoid the restroom line, but DO NOT try to wear it with shorts! I won't go into any more detail.... Doesn't this seem like it could be of use to the busy mom crowd?

Back to all of the decisions. This one is such a no brainer. For $34.95, I can avoid your taunts of "I told you so." I am trading them in for a bag o' pee though.

**disclaimer: I am not actually buying a "SG." But I do hope this made you giggle.